Gut Wretching Feeling

i wish this pain that i feel in my heart could just get up and leave and at the same time i dont. cause if it leaves then i will have lost something important to me. something that helped me from my hell. I know all i did was just smile and say it was alright. but it wasnt. i was lieing through my teeth. this pain. it doesnt subside. it doesnt leave. it sits in my heart and my stomach gnawing at my evey move to save what was once mine. i dont publicise who im with and what i do. i keep my mouth shut cause i know it will hurt you but i tell you if you ask cause i care about you and i dotn want to ever lie or do you wrong unless its to keep you happy. but when you plaster thigns that i never had the certoucy of doing with you iget jealous cause i know you were closer to me than you are to him now. im sad that you ended what we had. im sorry i buried it. if only we could just kiss and make up. but its not that simple. it never is. there was a we, an us. but it died with those fateful words. could it be once again in the future? mabey who knows. only time will tell. im expecting a 5 paragraph essay explaing how im wrong. cause odds are ill get it either public or private. one thing is certain thogh wether you believe it or not. rawr