rantings of a mad man

Where is your god now? has he forsaken you YET AGAIN! have you finally given up? have you decided nothing is worth the amount of effort that is required to even move? has life just uplifted itself and covered your eyes?

Where is your dogged determination that i have seen so many times? where has the you i know gone? why cant i face truth?

Is it only the scent? the touch? the feel? the taste? the sound? that drives you? is it only the hope that maybe possibly one day the clouds will part on your dreary world and give light to that which has been doused in pain, hurt, and suffering for eternity?

Do you see hat light at the end of the tunnel? Have you realized that it isn't light but darkness in the guise of dark? has it dawned upon you that the world isn't how you see it? That people are not what you thought them to be? Isn't it about time you stopped living?

nothing good comes of it. nothing except more pain and suffering the likes of which no one can comprehend. yet there are others that ahve been through similar experiences. They lie. no one can comprehend that which has happend that which is happening that which will happen.

All that exists is false

found time to post finally

I havnt posted in awhile cause well iv been happy i guess would be the best way to say it. sure there were a few road blocks but nothing i cant handle on my own.

cloud 9

need i say more?

so yea umm i um well you see its like this

my hands have been wamr recently and its creaping me out. why do i have to know what im feeling all the time why cant i trow myself into my emotions and let them rule my mind?

Something to change

Ok so i need to change the way i look at things i see everything as a equasion that needs to be solved and not as what it really is.

The root of the issue

Since i know what my problem is thanks to consulting my father (big shocker but it worked) and since he is a mental therapist and know all about emotion and everything that has to do with it. since words were put to my feelings i believe i can right my terrible situation. i think i might just go along with my plan. i don't like calling it my plan but in order to keep myself as detached as possible i wont call it what it really is

want is almost a need

I need something to fill this void in my heart that doesn't exist. i most dont care anymore. i want something to fill it before i dont care about it at all. i know ium being slfish but i dont care about that. in fact i don't think i care about anything at all.

Kinda been a while i guess

So in the last 2 days mainly on December 2nd i turned 18, o joy, i got happy birthdays from like about 30-40 people. i have about $380 (as of now) and im going to be getting a phone cause people wont let me sleep until i have one by people i mean you and by you i mean Nicolle. Im not happy haveing money in not happy spending money in not happy saving money but i am happy know what im going to buy and know that i will do a thorough background check on ever clerk in the store and see which one will give me an awesome deal and which ones to stear clear of (a.k.a. Managers). yes i am happy. not for long tho. i was terribly depressed earlier and only the chick that got dumped by her 20 year old bf that is a virgin and in college (i have no idea how this guy is a virgin hes in college) and she was like whats up your face changed again. im like aww shit dammit i dont want to talk about it. so she let it go. until next time have fun and get in trouble

Off Topic

For some odd reason iv recently started to lose my edge.

if you were to look into my eyes you wouldn't see the hate, pain, and anger that you would have seen there a month ago. something is changing i don't know who, what, or why. and its bugging the hell out of me. There are no women in my life that i care especially for im not even looking for a relationship. Its depressing not even caring about sex in anyway shape or form. i have no want for it at all. and im not taking any anti-depressants so i can rule that out. i can only think that its the women that have involved themselves in my life. for what reason they have involved themselves so much i will probably never know and if i ask i would either get a random answer or random letters. but its weird i feel almost nothing for one of them in particular but i cant let her out of my sight for my personal memory reasons.

8 1/2 hours before end

I don't really know how to feel right now im turning 18 in a few hours but there is nothing to look forward to. i lead a relatively simple life now. i dont stay out very late and i don't smoke and im not interested in porn. so turning 18 has little to no meaning to me.

Reasons

Ok so i made this blog for relatively no reason in particular odds are ill just going to add little sentences that rhyme and people are going to be WOW that rhymes and im gonna not care about how they think that just cause it rhymes its good. it takes more than just rhymes to make something sound good.